I started my software engineering career in the early 2000s, a glorious time when developers had much in common with Harry Potter: we were shuttered away in cupboards, kept away from polite company, and everyone suspected that we were secretly dabbling in the arcane arts.1
Times have very much changed, but one thing that has remained resolute is the fact that many software developers – myself included – chose that line of work because we enjoy talking to computers rather more than talking to humans.
Unfortunately for us, talking to humans is still the best way to advance your career2, and that leaves us introverts in a bit of a pickle.
The good news is, introvert networking is a thing. You can absolutely be a successful networker even if you don’t like crowds, despise small talk, or hate the taste of coffee.
You just have to stop playing by the extroverts’ rules.
In this post, we’re going to explore three ways that you can build and maintain your network as an introvert:
Focus on what you can learn, not what you can get.
Mentors? Hard to find. People who know stuff? Those are everywhere.
More frequent contact is better than more contacts.
Networking gets you access to perspectives, not opportunities
We’re used to thinking of networking as a tricksy way to bypass gatekeepers: build strategic relationships, so that one day when you need a job, they’ll sneak your CV onto the top of the pile.
And if this makes networking feel transactional, insincere, and manipulative to you…that’s a good thing. Hold onto that feeling — it means you’re human.
But if that’s all that you think networking is good for…well then, you my friend are missing out, big time:
How do I keep up with the latest trends and tech in my industry?3 Easy: I chat to the people in my network.
How do I learn new approaches to solve technical and leadership challenges? I talk to my network.
What do I do when I’m stuck on a problem and need a sounding board to bounce ideas off of? Network.
What if I need advice or recommendations? Say it with me now…
Sure, from time to time my network might toss an opportunity or two my way, but that’s just the cherry on top of an alpaca-sized cupcake of insights and learnings that I’ve leveraged to advance my career on my own terms.
This changes the game completely because if there’s one thing we introverts absolutely love to do, it’s having deep conversations with people about stuff that actually matters.
With this in mind, let’s look at how you can optimise your network to get access to all the perspectives.
Focus on what you can learn, not what you can get.
During your first few months in a new job, you are a bit of a superstar because you bring a wealth of ideas and solutions that you learned about in previous roles. But after awhile that stockpile runs out, and your productivity begins its painful reversion to the mean.
Except…what if you could keep replenishing that supply without having to change jobs every few months?
This is why it’s so valuable to network with people who will introduce you to a diversity of ideas. When thinking about whom to reach out to, focus on what you can learn, not what you can get.
Don't worry about their role, or whether they might be able to hire you, or even whether they know someone who could hire you. In fact, try networking with some people in entirely different fields and industries than you. You will be surprised at how many unique insights you can glean from their experiences that you can apply in your own work!4
Mentors? Hard to find. People who know stuff? Those are everywhere.
The best and worst advice I ever received about career development is: get a mentor.
It’s amazing advice because if you can find someone at the top of their field who’s willing to take you under their wing, teach you all the secrets, and help you avoid all the pitfalls…that’s like winning the career lottery.
And it’s terrible advice because you’re about as likely to find someone like that as you are to win the actual lottery. People are really busy, and unless you already have an amazing relationship with a potential mentor, it's unlikely that they’ll be willing to commit to a long-term investment of time and effort. Nothing personal.
But you know what's really easy to find? People who know stuff about specific topics and love to talk about them. By approaching the interaction as a one-off chat about something that you’re both interested in, rather than the beginning of a long-term relationship, you’ll find that most people are actually quite enthusiastic to connect.
More frequent contact is better than more contacts.
Winning at networking doesn’t mean getting to Dunbar’s Number as quickly as possible. If you have 150 people in your network5 but only talk to each of them once a year, you're not going to be able to build meaningful relationships. And anyway, it’s exhausting to keep up with so many people! No wonder we introverts hate networking so much!
But what if we stopped treating networking like a numbers game? “More is better” only works for fungible things like Bitcoins, pokémon, and romantic comedies6. When it comes to people, more frequent contact is way better than more contacts.
Focus on quality, and the quantity will take care of itself. Just find people you enjoy talking to so much that after each chat, you feel like you literally can’t wait until the next one. Do that, and you’ll never be short of interesting perspectives!
Above all, be kind to yourself.
Every person is different, and so every relationship is different…and that means that the best way to network will be different for each person.
Don’t worry about whether you’re “doing it right” — if what you’re doing is working and you enjoy doing it, then that is the right way to do it. Sustainable networking is successful networking.
I have a lot more to say on the subject of introvert networking, so there will definitely be more posts about this in the future. In the meantime, if you have thoughts about this or want to chat, get in touch! Just don’t take it personally if it takes me awhile to reply — I’m pretty introverted.
I was a level 9 half-elf wizard in Dungeons & Dragons, so in my case their suspicions weren’t entirely unfounded.
At least until AI finally overthrows human civilisation, at which point we introverts will be inducted into the priest caste, second only to our robot overlords in wealth and influence.
You know, that question you keep getting asked in job interviews.
Seriously. If you’re a software developer, try having chats with product managers. The stuff you learn from them will blow your mind. And if you’re a product manager…thank you for your service.
I mean your real network, not your LinkedIn connections…but more on that another time.
Also a convertible made entirely of mushrooms. A fungible, if you will. I’ll see myself out now.